Wednesday Revelations – The more you hope

This is a story about a cookbook – the BEST cookbook ever to be precise.  It is also a story of the consequences of hoping too much, reacting too much, attaching too much.

I’ve had the cookbook for about 3 weeks now.  I had this post mostly written (and have since updated it) but got caught up in the whirlwind of cooking and being productive.  The story, however, still needs to be told because the lesson is one that I think we can all apply to something in our lives.  For me, its my physical ailments.  For you, it can be anything.

Long story short, what I went through waiting for this book has was a strong lesson in how far I have to go in terms of non-attachment and being less reactive.

Let me back up.  I pre-ordered back in August, made sure that my free Prime trial would still be good, and started counting down the days.  When you fall in love with a cookbook, you cannot wait for its sibling to arrive.  I cook from the original Happy Herbivore Cookbook at least once per week.  Usually, all of my meals come from it.  I’m also a recipe tester for the third cookbook that Lindsay is currently writing.  So yes, I was excited when EHH was being released early.  And even more excited when it was discovered that pre-orders were being shipped as early as Monday, November 21st!

For some reason, or more precisely to teach me a much needed and perfectly timed lesson, the Universe thought it would be funny to delay this book a whole week.  Yes, I realize that  some of you are thinking I’m batshit, but bear with me.  And see the above comments about my love for the book.  😉

I anxiously awaited my shipping e-mail from Amazon.  Monday passed…so did Tuesday.  Wednesday came and still nothing.  I had some wine, I ate some food, and I contacted Amazon to say WTH?!  It turned out there was an issue in the fulfillment center and my book was being delayed.  But don’t worry…they took care of it.  And they’ll give me a $5 promo certificate for my order.  And no there really isn’t any way for them to give me more.  And oh wait…when I tell my story to a person over the phone, I magically get $25.  And I’m ok because my book will be here Monday the 28th and what better way to end Thanksgiving weekend than with a cooking bonanza.

I hope the stream-of-consciousness of that paragraph gives you an idea of where my head was at during those weeks.  It was not a pretty place.

Guess what?  The book didn’t get picked up until Monday because UPS was closed by the time I thought to contact Amazon on the Wednesday before Thanksgiving.  And unlike FedEx, UPS would give me absolutely no information about getting in touch with the local distribution warehouse to go search for pick it up myself.  I was bummed.  I moped.  I even cried a little.  I was also going on very little sleep and lots of weekend traveling so no judging please.  And then I figured I’d deal with it.  I also ate…a lot.

On Tuesday (the 29th), I woke up under the weather (nose bleed plus aching thumbs…happy Tuesday to me).  I went to yoga, did laundry, wrote this post, read my blogs.  I got my exercise running between the couch and the front window each and every time I heard a truck slow down.  I went up and down the stairs too many times to count just in case they dropped it without knocking first.  I got frustrated, depressed, and upset.

I really failed in the whole be-present-and-non-attached-and-peaceful thing.  I was pretty diva-esque.  Especially since the UPS truck was across the street during the afternoon and I hesitated about running to meet it and demanding my package…only to look out and watch it disappear down the road.  Which begs the oh-so-practical question: why do the neighbors get their packages at 2:30 and us, after 5?  WTH?!

Anyway, back to the story.  I kept saying, is it really asking too much to just get my damn book?  I mean seriously…that’s all I want Universe.  I’m asking “why am I being presented with this challenge?” and the answer was not coming like it normally does (easily and quickly).  In fact, it took until after I had received the book and received the news I didn’t want last week in order for me to truly see the lesson in this experience.

When you want something too much, so much that it hurts, you often will not receive it.

Source

I’ve given this advice to so many people seeking something (especially a relationship)…”don’t want it so much and it’ll show up when you least expect it to.”  Well that advice was kicking me in the ass pretty hard.  I was full of jealously and greed and conceit.  Why did THAT person already receive it?  How come I don’t have it yet?  Me me me…and I want I want I want.  <–all pretty negative energy I was spewing, wouldn’t you agree?  So no wonder UPS came so late to deliver…I’d avoid the house with the crazy black cloud over it too!  Knowing this didn’t make it any easier while I was waiting.  The cortisol was pumping through my body and I was miserable for two days.

Over a bookAnd yes not just any book but a book I desperately wanted and knew would make my life better. <–except only I can choose to do that, right yogini Kait?  RIGHT?!  But a book nonetheless.

I kept making excuses about why this was upsetting me so much…other people made mistakes, I deserved it, etc.  But at the end of the day, I’m not sure.  What I am sure of, however, is that the second I stopped obsessing and waiting and started doing something else, my phone buzzed, and it was here.  Literally…it took less than 20 minutes of me switching my focus to editing my personal statement and BOOM!

All was right with my world.

I got right into action mode and cooked 3 recipes in about an hour.  The next morning I woke up before my alarm and hopped right out of bed.  I got to work on time and got to work (if you know what I mean). I feel energized despite only getting about 5 hours of sleep.  I wanted to go go go!  The feeling lasted the whole week.

Here is what I wrote the day following my receipt of the book:

Apparently, all I needed was a dose of newness get my booty in gear.  And I love the feeling.  And wish I hadn’t wasted two days moping.  In hindsight, I did try to figure out why I was so down and out and miserable.  I wish I wasn’t…but I couldn’t figure it out.  I still can’t.  Maybe it’ll come to me after yoga tonight…maybe not.  Its in the past now though so I’m going to try and be like a dog and go on with my day like there was no yesterday and is no tomorrow.”

Learning in progress.  Self-realization, does indeed, rock.

Yoga/beauty/life,

Kait xo

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4 thoughts on “Wednesday Revelations – The more you hope

  1. FYI (I KNOW, I am WAY behind on your blog posts! Sorry, love!! But I am catching up!!) – Some delivery companies limit their drivers to making right hand turns only in order to cut down on driving time/idling/gas (wasted spent sitting at stop lights). So maybe your neighbors are just on the “right” side (/#badpun) of your UPS truck’s route.

  2. Pingback: Wednesday Revelations: How Far I’ve Come « yogabeautylife

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