Long Overdue

Oh dear its happened again…I’ve gone too long without writing.

I’m sorry dear readers.

This time, at least, my excuse is valid.

Last Wednesday evening (as I was driving home from yoga, mentally prepping to do a Revelations post as usual), my grandma suffered a stroke.

😦

Needless to say the holidays were a bit subdued…and rushed…and stressful.  My cortisol levels are just beginning to stabilize as I’ve been sucking down these guys…

eating lots of healthy soup…

and getting some much needed nookie sleep.  The inflammation is going down with the help of my ever sexy splints and their latest addition: compression sleeves.  You can take a number.  😉

Christmas this year was very different (shocker, I know).  We spent as much time as possible in the hospital (or driving there and back).  I finally celebrated Christmas  Eve with Bren’s family and then my Aunt had us over with her husband’s family for Christmas day.  We managed to find some sense of normal, specifically opening presents all together Christmas morning followed by a yummy brunch (vegan french toast casserole included!) but otherwise, Christmas quietly and humbly passed us by.

By the time I returned to the Woo on Monday I was so drained that I decided to take Tuesday off as well.  Five days of playing loving (grand)daughter/niece, patient advocate, medical speak translator, shoulder to cry on, and source of strength and knowledge had done me in.  I needed some time to return to normal, to numb out (in a healthy way this time) and just BE.  I went to my hand therapy, caught up on e-mails and the like, went to Zumba, cooked, baked and started to feel normal again.

For now, at least.

I’ll be home again this weekend (albeit longer than expected now) so, in that way, I am happy this all happened now and not on a weekend when I had volunteer commitments and parties and other things that I cannot so easily drop.  I am grateful that I work in a hospital and therefore know how to navigate “the system.”  I am relieved that I have not become so jaded that I no longer can explain complex medical language and diagnoses in laymen’s terms so that my very un-medical family can understand what is going on.  I am proud that over the last week+ I was able to step up and into my full self, playing dragon lady when needed, being unapologetic in my advocacy for my grandmother’s care, and truly testing (successfully) the limits of my strength.

So it wasn’t Christmas as usual or as planned.  Nevertheless, the spirit of the season came through in huge ways.  Beau was there every step of the way, even spending most of Thursday and part of Christmas day at the hospital with us.  Friends and family offered prayers, positive energy, help, and dinner invites.  I developed a deeper bond with my family than I have ever felt before.  If that isn’t what this season is about, then I don’t know what is.

Oh – and Santa did a pretty good job too.

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