Don’t stop believin’

Cheesy title?  Yes.  Get over it.  You know you’ll be singing the song for the rest of the day.  You’re welcome.  😉

So why the cheese you might ask?  Simple reason: sticking to my guns has paid off.

The inflammation: practically gone.
The pain: ditto.

Full use of my hands hasn’t returned and, quite frankly, it might not ever.  My next hurdle is learning how to fully accept and incorporate the necessary modifications into my daily life.  And my daily future life which includes a whole lot of farming (I know, I keep hinting..I promise we’ll get there).

I still am going to explore the WHY behind this and do what I can to address that issue. In part I know it was a big old wake-up from the Universe.  It took a complete and total meltdown and the loss of the use of both of my hands for me to wake-up and learn to slow down, ask for what I need, open up about my fears, and be ok with making modifications aka going against the grain aka doing things my way.

I am no longer angry or stuck in the “why me?” mentality.  This is not to be confused with my scientific interest in the air behind the ear as they say.  A recent post from Lindsay helped with this greatly.  She pointed out that we all have jars, some of which are large and some of which are small.  Every time we eat crap (aka the Standard American Diet), we add a marble to the jar.  (Note: She talked about it with relation to veganism but I’m not going to go there today for reasons I promise to post about soon.)  Anyway, my jar filled up quickly.  Knee problems at 13 and 18, hypothyroidism at 21, exercise-induced asthma, this hand shit, etc.

So I have two contributors, things that I easily can control by heeding what I’ve learned.  But my IPL tells me that isn’t it.  So I’ll keep learning more, eating more greens, and avoiding goitrogens as much as possible.

Surgery is off the menu at this point and I’m happy that in my darkest hours I didn’t just give in.  In 10 years, who knows what will happen.  Additionally, other issues have popped up, specifically ulnar nerve stuff (fixed with lifestyle modification) and new pain with use (I tried one down dog and apparently shouldn’t have been in pain for 3 days after :().  But overall I’m moving in the pain-free direction.  I look back at August/September of last year and wonder how I survived day in and day out.  I’ve come so far both mentally and physically.

Now I know that my practice might never be the same.  My life definitely won’t return to its old baseline (when do our lives ever though?).  And I will never go back to the way I was because I have learned so much and know there is more yet to discover.  For now, though, I’m relishing in the sheer joy of the return of my long-lost bestie, HOPE.

And for some more cheese, cue Mr. Buckley.



Kait xo


3 thoughts on “Don’t stop believin’

  1. Wow, I had no idea you were going through this! Wow, and how wonderful you are feeling a whole lot better!
    I’m rooting for you! And this post couldn’t have come to me at a better time. 🙂

    • Thanks Debbie! Its been a really rough couple of months. If you look under the “Life Updates” category, it’ll lead you to more of the full story. 🙂

  2. Pingback: From My Heart to Yours « yogabeautylife

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