I’m not gonna lie: meditating can be hard to do. Some days your ass goes numb. Some days one foot (or leg) falls asleep. Sometimes both do! Sometimes your brain stages a full-blown sabotage and you end up feeling like total shit. Sometimes you panic because certainly, you’ve been here more than 10 minutes already!
And then some days you sit in total peace. You feel 100% juicy, ripe, delicious, and vital and suddenly all of those other experiences aren’t as important. Your body stays awake/alert/aware and you disconnect enough from your thoughts that you find internal quiet.
As I’ve learned over the past couple of weeks there isn’t such a thing as true internal quiet. There’s internal disconnect. There’s tuning in and the ability to think without thinking. There is complete calm. But there is no such thing as absolute and complete silence.
And I’m ok with that. More and more I am able to distance myself from my thoughts during meditation as I do during yoga. My brain may be active but I’m an observer to those thoughts. Some people describe this as watching them float by like clouds. <–Hogwash! Its more like not caring what your brain is doing, being aware but not invested, and focusing elsewhere. Although, I have a feeling this experience is a little different for everyone!
During this week I’ve also come to terms with only being comfortable sitting for 15 minutes a day. I was trying so hard for those 20, thinking that number was some magical gateway where I would find the ultimate inner peace. Instead I was panicky…anxious…freaking. As usual, the Universe decided to send a little message, this time in the form of Gabrielle Bernstein’s v-log, delivered each Monday morning right to my inbox. One of the first lines in the video: “It’s not about how long you sit; it’s about how deep you connect.” <–I couldn’t make this sh*t up!
Have a beautiful weekend. Take some time for you…be peaceful/calm/non-rushed and loving.