Wednesday Revelations: Losing Focus

During one of our sessions Hillary passed along some advice she had gotten from a teacher of hers:

A bad day for your ego is a good day for your soul.

Let me tell you something.  The past couple of days have been pretty good days for my soul.

I’ve cried sobbed.  Yelled.  Blamed (myself + others).I’ve been upset in every meaning of the word.  I’ve had my joy but all-in-all, during the past couple of days its felt kind of like there’s a black cloud following me around.

In May I was lost focus.  Now I’m back on track and feeling antsy.  I went straight from enjoying the work-and-worry-free life to busting at the seams to get to Baltimore.  I’m ready to settle back into a schedule…to have a kitchen space that is all my own…that isn’t shared.  And though I’m technically back on track, my focus is turned elsewhere.  In the quiet moments my mind wanders to the future…to the great unknown that comprises my next big adventure.  So I go through the motions and I put my time and work in and I’m redeveloping my sense of time management and discipline (tangent: I feel so blessed that I can make that skill wax and wane as necessary 🙂 ) but my focus still isn’t on the target.

In other words, my focus isn’t my filter even though it should be.

Let me talk in concrete terms for a second.  In April, I had my highest month ever with Passion Parties.  I grossed over $5000.00 in sales in four little parties.  I was on top of the world.  I quit the job the I checked out of months ago and was no longer living in a space with someone whose habits and mine didn’t always sync.  Life was good.  May was set to be even better with five parties, a week in Newport, and time devoted solely to working out, watching TV, and reading whatever I felt like.

What wasn’t good, however, were my May parties.  I shook off the first.  It happens I told myself every party can’t be $1000+ even though I know my products and I are 100% worth it.  I did the same with the second.  And the third and the fourth.  Then came the fifth and sixth.  My last hopes.  I clocked over 8 hours of driving in two days…for around minimum wage.  I barely made my quota for May…the amount I need to earn each month in grad school to cover expenses.

I cried and I raged and I held a full blown pity party in my honor.  Slowly but surely other little things started to occur.  It seemed that everything I touched was turning to shit.  I felt like Icarus when he got too close to the sun.  I pouted and cursed people and was wholly not my regular self in any way/shape/form.

I reached out to my team…to my angel of fire.  I worked on my newsletter.  Then I went deeper.  I quieted my mind and I looked inside.  And I realized that though being lazy has its benefits, the loss of focus that accompanied my laziness had done nothing to serve me.  My business wasn’t thriving and neither was I.

And I realized that not only had I lost focus, I had also taken my business for granted.  I allowed myself to be pushed around.  I didn’t stand up for us. I didn’t set the standard.  And it showed…in cold hard numbers and lack of income.  All of the amazing things I’ve learned over the past few months–how I can and should ask directly for what I need, how I need to respect my biz first and foremost before I can expect anyone else to–had slipped from my mind.  I didn’t run the show and therefore the show simply didn’t run.

It was a rude awakening.  But it was a lesson my soul needed to learn.  Do I wish I could have avoided the pain?  The worry and concern that is keeping me up at night making me wonder if it will all work out next year?  Hell. yes.  But did I also need to learn the lesson?  YES.

And at the end of the day, all the crying felt pretty damn good.

When was the last time you had a good soul day?

Yoga/beauty/life,

Kait xo

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