The Difference Some Months Make

I hope you all had a wonderful Labour Day weekend!    My weekend was wonderful…lots of Zumba, a girls night with momma, catching up with my former internship supervisor, and then a trip to NYC to celebrate the beau’s 24th.  Oh and lots of cuddling with this cutie in between.  By the time you read this, I’ll be back in class, gearing up for first term.

All in all my break was pretty darn good.  A part of me wished I could be in Bmore, exploring the city with my classmates but I definitely needed to come home (and not only because my car emissions were due!).  Between the shopping, the catching up, and the eating out, I kept fairly busy.  I also had a lot of space to think, reflect, refocus, and recenter (more on that below).  And, of course, I took a whirlwind trip up to the Worcester area and crammed an entire two years worth of life experiences into one day.  It may have been the best day ever.

Clockwise from upper left: Community Harvest Project where I volunteered last summer, new haircut from my MA stylist, ironic book display in B&N while waiting to grab dinner with the girls, and Kaybird!  Not pictured: visit with my friend and her babies, my amazing Chipotle bowl, my visit to UMass, and MYoga

Now about that “space” I mentioned above…

When I quit my job back at the end of April, I determined it was the single best decision I had ever made.  I proceeded to spend six weeks doing a whole lot of nothing.  For the entirety of May and half of June, I slept late, rarely dressed (except to change from pjs to workout clothes…and back again), and travelled around visiting people.  Most days, I sat on the computer reading blogs, watching Netflix, and checking Facebook/email/etc far too often.

And I loved practically every second of it.

I am so grateful I made the decision to take that time for me because I needed to decompress after working at UMass.  My visit there last week confirmed that for me like never before.  Immediately upon walking into the building, my body got tight and I felt stressed.  A torrent of emotions rushed my body: guilt, resentment, anger, regret, and even a little bit of hope.  All have their place and all are rightly associated with the hospital yet they are not what I want to be feeling daily.  Again I was reminded: you made the right decision.

Yet, while that lifestyle served me at the time, it clearly is not meant to serve me all the time.  I much of last week following a similar schedule to that of May and June, except by Friday, I was ready to be done.  More than anything, I was itching to cook again, to create.  I wanted to get back into a routine, a schedule that didn’t involve hours of TV, lots of snacking, and sleeping all day.

WHAT??

The very same experience that mere months ago fed my soul and rejuvenated my body had become a source of stress itself.  Maybe its because I’m used to a routine and its one that I enjoy.  Maybe I just like feeling accomplished at the end of the day.  Maybe I’ve grown mroe than I realized.  Whatever the cause, I was itching to return to life in Baltimore…to the crazy (ironically I just missed the ‘z’ there and was sorely tempted to write “cray cray” instead…I figured I’d spare you), to the busy, to the life of a grad student.

I miss my friends…I miss the hustle and bustle of the city…and I miss having a purpose and a goal for each day.  Hell, I even miss having things to do!  Who would have thought it?  Certainly not me.

The times they are a changin’, right?

Yoga/beauty/life,

Kait xo

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