Grief

I’m not sure where to begin this post or even how to write it. I’m worried I’ll offend or earn misplaced sympathy. But then I remember that my heart is breaking too – for my loss, the loss of a best friend, and the loss of this world.

Two Tuesdays. Two farewells.

My heart has not physically hurt this much in a long time. For much of last year, I wouldn’t let it. I’d shovel it down under one poor coping mechanism or another…then there’d be a breaking point…I’d promise not to do that again…and the cycle would begin. As I’ve worked to break this habit the emotions often have swept over me in a wave so powerful its left me shaking and gasping for breath and literally on my knees.

The last two Tuesdays have not been easy but I felt them, deep in my bones and yes, physically, in my heart. Last week, my relationship once again added the qualifier “long distance” to its title, a season that I thought had passed for good when the beau moved in earlier this year. But with this pain came  joyous news – a job with an organization I truly admire.

This week, however, the pain was just raw with nothing to soothe it. I buried it for my commute. And then again for my job. And then again on my break. And one last time while teaching Zumba. The dancing, admittedly helped. Watching my students master one of the more difficult songs caused a smile to occupy my face for a few moments as I realized that we were all there for each other.

But at the end of the day, the world has lost a wonderful, beautiful soul. My dear friend lost her mom. I lost someone who supported me through hard times and continued, even from a distance, to offer inspiration, positivity, and encouragement. And the UMass community lost an incredibly compassionate and dedicated caregiver.

For all these reasons and more, I grieve.

Yoga/beauty/life,

Kait xo

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That crazy whirlwind called life…

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Little Gunpowder Falls

As I’m sure you can guess from my lack of posts and the title, the past few weeks have been out of control!

Plans have been made, created, cemented, changed, altered, and fallen to pieces. My heart has broken wide open as I said farewell to more loved ones who moved away to follow their dreams. My hopes have been dashed and almost promptly rebuilt.

My arms grew weary of holding on and my heart was heavy with fear and uncertainty and doubt.

Then suddenly this week things began swinging upwards. Answers trickled in, solutions to keep me afloat and get me involved in causes and with organizations I care about and could see myself being a part of for years to come.

None of this is permanent. Its all temporary solutions to deeper problems. But the important part is, I’m being provided for in a million tiny ways…by friends opening their homes, a partner who supports me from near and far, and new streams of income that will cover my expenses and then some.

I feel like I should have known it would be something spectacular like this. I have a friend who moved 4 times during the summer and right when one stay was finishing she would find another place to housesit or sublet or whatever. But it was always dramatic and down-to-the-wire.

Seriously, we need to start a reality tv show! True Life: Hopkins Grads sounds like a good title, dontcha think??

Anywho, the good news is that its not time for me to say goodbye to Baltimore just yet. I get to keep on teaching Zumba and cuddling “my” baby <–Note: not actually mine but rather the little one I babysit a few times per week who I’m obsessed with because he’s a little piece of cuddly heaven and being part of the communities down here I finally feel I belong to.

Its exciting and scary. But then again, the next step always is.

Yoga/beauty/life,

Kait xo

Random Photos…

Since I finally took photos of our apartment (you know…to post since we’re moving soon….more news on that later), I had a chance to go through my camera.

Holy photos! Some of the stuff was almost a year old. *hangs head* After sorting through everything, I figured I’d share some delicious eats with ya’ll. From, ya know, the last 12 months haha

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I don’t even remember what half of this food was…but its making m mouth water looking at it! I spy a wrap with toffutti cream cheese + arugula, capers, and tomatoes, yellow dal, Rising Moon vegan ravioli, pad thai, a chickpea salad, homemade pizza (so yum), Mexican tofu scramble, and stuffed mushrooms. No that doesn’t cover it all…but shh!

I also wanted to share these beautiful flowers. Prior to photographing these, it had been months since I had picked up my camera. I was in the depths of some dark times and being creative just wasn’t on my radar. But how could I not want to immortalize these beauties?!

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Yoga/beauty/life,

Kait xo