“Somebody famous once said that you can’t go home again, but I think you can. And there is nothing sweeter than going home after you’ve built a life that you love far, far away from that home. Going back is a touchstone, a comforting reminder of all that you’ve accomplished. But the most important thing is to never, ever forget what got you there in the first place.”
~~Beyond the Blonde
I read Beyond the Blonde years ago, but this quote has stuck with me (not only in my heart but also on my Facebook profile) since then. This weekend it proved truer than ever before.
Of all the emotions I expected to feel upon my move to Baltimore, homesickness wasn’t one of them. I expected nerves + anxiety + excitement + loneliness + joy + overwhelm but homesickness…me? Never. Too bad I was completely wrong.
Ironically, of all those emotions I’ve been feeling, homesickness is the one I’ve been dealing with the most. It’s odd because, for those who know me, you know I spent a greater part of my young adult life avoiding home. For reasons I don’t feel the need to share here, home was too painful, too stressful, and simply too much work. If I went “home” it usually meant I was going to CT (my home state) to visit the beau. I honestly never understood my friends who happily made weekend trips to their parents’ house. It just wasn’t my life.
The past few weeks though I’ve been missing home like whoa. I miss being able to see the beau whenever I want, I miss the spiritual community of my yoga studio, I miss my friends at the Trader’s in Shrewsbury, I miss lunches on the UMass lawn, I miss Kaybird, I miss my patients and my docs…I miss all of those things that make a “home” just that.
So this weekend I decided to be spontaneous. Ten hours, 500+ miles, and $100 later and I had my taste of home. It was oh so worth it and oh so necessary.
I told myself it wasn’t practical. After all, I couldn’t leave until Saturday (Friday evening I had a yoga workshop here) and would have to come back Sunday. But the beau was dog sitting at his parent’s house…which is two hours closer to me than his actual apartment. And when I mentioned the idea to one of my classmates she asked, “What do you really have to do this weekend?” Hint: I couldn’t think of anything.
Yes the house needed to be cleaned, homework read, and Downton Abbey finished…but did I really have to do any of these things? When another friend brought up the whole “you’ve only got one life to live” point and that this was the last weekend before exams and assignments starting coming due, I knew I was going.
Friday I packed and Saturday morning I was on the road by nine, ready to be with loved ones, even if only for a few hours. I was giddy (almost) the entire trip and when this rascal greeted me at the door, any hesitations or doubts flew out the window.
We did little more than hang-out, watch TV, take Mable to a local park (where I practiced yoga in the middle of the field..such a good experience!), eat, and cuddle. And it was the perfect dose of home + love that I needed.
When all was said and done, those 10 hours in the car didn’t feel so bad either (though my hips beg to differ). On one end was the beau + the puppy and on the other was this new place I’m still learning to call home. I was fortunate to hit minimum traffic and with the exception of some crazy weather (look at those clouds!), the drive was quick and easy. Cheap gas in NJ didn’t hurt either.
This weekend reminded me more than anything to listen to my intuition…and that you can always go home. Nothing about what I did was “logical” but it was right…it was what I needed.
When was the last time you did something you needed, logical or not?